Hard To Get
by PsychoWarriorPrincess13
Summary: Cyrene will finaly get what she wants! So why not force Xena into marrage to get it?lets just say this is intresting with humor in it...... poor Xena....


**Disclaimer: **Xena, Gabrielle, Ares, Cyrene, and Apollo characters don't belong to me. They belong to who ever made the show. Only Iliad, Crete, and the Village of Cyanide are mine.

**Authors note:** go easy on me this is my first fanfic…. My friend said to post it…. So if it's terrible then I'll yell at her….

**Rating: T** for violence and some adult content (just to be safe)

A woman with raven hair stared at the bar table out of boredom. It had been a year since her best friend Gabrielle died at the hands of Dahak. Yes, she had wept for maybe two seasons, but now it was a dull ache locked up with other sorrows.

"Xena, are you still feeling a bit blue?" her mother, Cyrene, cued sliding a mug of wine over the table to her.

"Mother, I'm bored not blue," Xena muttered taking a gulp of wine. The sweet liquid slid down her throat as the taste clung to her mouth. "I'm just visiting for a little while then hitting the road."

Her mother nodded, "Since your single….."

"MOTHER!" Xena bellowed, "I'm not like that, yes I was friends with one, but mom no!" She took another drink scanning the bar to find come company that would save her from her, mother's ideas and even worse questions.

"I'm sorry dear," Cyrene smiled with relied as the question of her daughter's sexuality was known quite clear. "It's just that you need a man in your life and it's been to long since toy had one."

Xena rolled her eyes this had been about the thousandth time her mother had asked her to get a man. _Why do I even come back to visit_ she cursed taking a gulp of her wine. "Mother I already bore a child…."

"I never even got to meet my grandchild, was it a girl or a boy?"

Her eyes began to water, throat tightening up, and mouth flat out dry. "I don't want to talk about it!" Xena snapped unintentionally not wanting to relive the horror of finding her son's pale corpse. Cyrene dropped her eyes and poured a drink for one customer to the side of her daughter.

"I'm sorry it's just that you need to talk more of your sorrows, move on and find a man."

"Mother! I don't need a man, I'm fine by myself!" she bellowed with the bar customer's tuned their gaze to her and her mother.

"Xena, lower your voice…."

"No mother I'm not ten years old anymore. Stop telling me what to do!" Xena growled finishing her cup of wine in another gulp, slammed it down. Before her mother could protest she turned on her heels and stormed out of the bar.

The bar customers stared at Cyrene then to the flapping doors, searching for an explanation to what had just happened.

"Go back to your drinks," Cyrene ordered, untying her apron, heading out after her daughter. "Be back in a moment."

_Ahh, Xena why do you always have to make a scene _she cursed finding that her daughter was nowhere to be seen in the non busy streets of Amphipolis. Cyrene called her daughter's name, each one getting louder than the last till a villager told her to shut her trap. "I hate it when she does that," Cyrene snarled turning back into the bar. Anyways, the good thing out of all the fighting and running away she would finally have her one wish: grandchildren.

_That was very annoying_ Xena thought walking along a trail somewhere out of Amphipolis , then again she would have to double back to kidnap her horse from her mother's house. "I'll do that at night," she muttered to herself as she took a random brake at a base if a tall oak tree. "This is the life, no mother to force you into marriage, no villages begging for help, no annoying warlord trying to kill you, plus most of all no God of War trying to stalk you today…..I really need a sidekick….."

"I'll say," spoke a voice from the warm air.

"Oh…..hi…I knew you were there…..just zoning out…. I spoke too soon on the last part," the warrior princess murmured the last line only to herself yet sadly her heard.

"Make sure it's not an annoying blonde 'trying to be strait'," Ares beamed somewhat enjoying Gabrielle hitting on his Xena was all too funny. Xena glared at him probably wishing to beat the living pulp out of him, but he enjoyed it.

She quickly glanced at him soaking in his dark brown hair, ebony eyes, broad shoulders, really nice goatee, extremely nice biceps, and that hot chest. _Xena! What are you doing? Stop it, stop it! No, No, No, No you're doing it again_ she chewed herself out quickly glancing to the hard dirt with his figure still etched into her mind. _Not again!_

"Are you taking pleasure at staring at me?" he grinned watching her cheeks turn slightly red. Her response was a glare and a quick crack from her knuckles. "But you look soooo cute when you blush." Xena's cheeks beamed red as she held the death glare and oh a slight smile!

"Why do you torture me?"

Ares ignored the question, "This is very amusing I should catch you more in secrets worth telling all of Olympus….."

"Xena! Honey, mother has brought you something actually ……two…..three things……yes she's here….yes she's around twenty-five-ish …..," Cyrene spoke parting trees and stepping on branches, but more branches cracked then one person could step on at a time unless if you were a giant or centaur?

"Why is mom following you into the words?" Ares raised an eyebrow staring at the place where noises kept coming closer. He glanced at here for an answer; here face became pale her face became as she searched all over for something maybe cover.

"Yes, she'll like you," Cyrene spoke coming closer to where voices were heard. "Xena, you better not be hiding."

"Xena….."

"Hide me, please save me from my mom," Xena begged rolling off the tree to his knees. "I'll do anything…..with in reason….. Please I don't want to be married!"

"Xena!" Cyrene flabbergasted at the sight of her daughter on her knees clinging to the God of War's boots. Three men came along side of her and stared at the woman they wanted to marry.

Xena recoiled up, dusting herself off. "Hi, mother, how did you find me?"

"Oh Crete did that," Cyrene smiled gesturing to a broad shouldered man in an evergreen vest and black leather pants. Xena guessed her was around thirty by his spiky hair and emerald eyes. An arrow sack lay against his back as he held a bow of Celtic designs etched into the wood. A smile cracked from his lips. "Also he's a prince, a very rich prince!"

Crete came towards her, gracefully grabbing a hold of her hand then bowing on a knee with his lips caressed her skin.

Xena stared at the red haired prince with horror. _Ummm this isn't awkward….. Now I have to wash my hand she _thought with disgust slightly pulling her hand back Crete rose up, staring into her eyes still holding her hand. "Thank you," she remarked not sure of what to say, but to rescue her hand, she backhanded him very hard.

_There are two words for this: Hell No!_ Ares slipped his arm around her waist pulling her towards him. Crete still held onto her hand, but released hit after the God of War glared at him.

"Ares you're making this worse," Xena whispered glad that Crete released her hand.

"This is….. Apollo God of the…."

"Yes everyone knows," Apollo chuckled coming toward Xena, but even closer than Crete was. Apollo stared down at her, his lips coming closer.

Xena snuggled even closer against his chest in an effort to save herself. He was blonde, very blonde, too blonde for her tastes. Also what's with the white and sparkly leather? Her skin began to burn as Apollo came closer to her. He was the sun, the sun that was too hot and torturing. "Nice to meet you now get away from me," she bellowed jabbing a fist into his gut. The God of the Sun hunched over in pain and even more in shock, but he still was by her. Ares slipped his hand away, stepping aside for her to dropkick him hard to the ground. Recoiling up she repeatedly kicked him in the chest. Sounds of pain came from his lips as he crumpled in a ball.

Ares smiled, Cyrene, Crete and another around fourteen of older stared in horror. _That's my girl_ he beamed knowing if he slipped "The Question" then her was in for a brutal beating.

"Xena! Stop it, stop it," Cyrene screamed pulling her daughter away. Her grip wasn't as strong with Xena lunging at Apollo like a raging dog. "Ares hold her." A bigger smile spread on his face. "Ares she's my daughter not a whore!" The God of War wrapped both of his arms around her waist and arms until he was sure that Xena wouldn't lash out on him. Cyrene released her grip from Xena's arm, and helped Apollo from the dirt. He moaned as he raised, joints cracking either in-place or the opposite,

"Get off of me," the warrior princess bellowed as she lunged at Apollo, but to her dismay she barley budged from his hold. _Not liking this at all _she cursed glaring at the fellowman folk and loving mother dearest. The third man was not even a man at all, he was about fourteen, sixteen, very skinny that she thought he hadn't eaten for days with his skin barley on his bones. His brown hair was arranged in short spikes, and his clothing was scattered with holes and patches of various colors.

"Honey this is Iliad from the village of Cyanide," Cyrene smiled supporting the God of the Sun against her.

"I'm quite fine get off me," Apollo growled shoving Cyrene off him. She stumbled against Ilaid who held her from falling.

"How rude of you, I come out of the gratitude of my heart to beseech you about an arrangement with my daughter and this is how you repay me?"

"I'm a god you're a mortal figure it out, 'Mother'," Apollo agitated not holding back any tone of voice at that annoying bitch. Cyrene scowled rushing over to him.

"How dare you!!" she yelled in his face followed by her open palm against his face. Apollo laughed clutching his stomach.

"What was that? A pat on the cheek?" he laughed turning his attention to Xena and became an instant frown against her death glare.

"Why don't you pick on someone your own size, pretty boy," Xena glared struggling under Ares' grasp. "This isn't necessary you know." Ares rested his chin on her head the slipped his cheek against her raven hair.

"Yes it is," He whispered pulling her closer to him.

Iliad departed from the group slipping past the trees to find a patch of daises, lilacs, tulips, and orchids. With care he picked a couple of each to arrange in a perfect bundle since he didn't prepare anything for the girl. Harsh voices scattered amongst the prince, two gods, the mother, and the daughter. He didn't want to go back to the voices, but at least he could cheer her up. Darting back Iliad hoped that no blood would be spilt; he fainted at the sight of blood and hated violence of any sort. Hiding the flowers behind his back he entered into the war-zone of words.

"Couldn't handle the yelling, farm boy?" Crete smiled patting Iliad roughly on the back. "You're about fourteen right?" Iliad shrugged hesitant at the constant yelling of the three voices while the God of War chuckled.

"I thought you were a decent man for my daughter," Cyrene shrieked face to face with Apollo. "But no, you act like the God of War!"

"To make things clear, I'm a guy. I don't know about sun boy over here," Ares rolled his eyes contemplating if he should kick Apollo's ass, or stay with his arms wrapped around the woman of his dreams. Decisions, decisions what could one do?

"Mother decent man? Men are pigs and idiots only thinking with their cod when they're around women like someone I know!" Xena sneered tilting her head back to look at Ares with an exaggerated voice on the last words. Again she squirmed in his arms only to be even more frustrated. His skin was warm against hers making her slightly snuggling herself against him. His ribcage fell and rose as he breathed relaxing her slightly. When ever she was around him either smuggle and melt into him with out her notice, stumble on her words and thoughts, trip flat on her face, or be memorized by his features. _Please don't do anything_ Xena contemplated continuously.

"Excuse me," Iliad muttered quietly as Cyrene and Apollo still battled on.

"Farm boy can't here you over here, nice flowers where'd you get them from under a rock?" Crete spoke taking pleasure in mocking him.

Iliad walked around the battling mother and god to find Xena staring strait at him. "Umm, um…., her…er," he stumbled revealing the flowers from his back to her. Yes, they were somewhat smashed considering he shoveled them together into his hand after they were picked with care. "I..I…I may not … be the one you expected to be marrying…., but neither…. Am….I…….."

"Then why are you here standing with crappy flowers?" Ares growled at him and Crete. "So it's prince of what exactly poor island again?"

"Crete is not poor, you wuss of a god!" the prince challenged drawing two arrows from the sack, mounting them gracefully in one movement.

"Do you dare challenge the God of War?" he snarled nails digging into Xena's black leather. Crete drew back the arrows; Xena lifted her chamerack from her side.

Iliad kept out of the arrow range and protected himself against a tree.

"You're a mortal whore, Cyrene; screwing every man in site," Apollo spat shoving Cyrene to the ground. "Did you get conceived with Xena in the mud or on the bar table…. And the other two children, did you have fun in the temple at thirteen and with your youngest son, you screwed a man from Rome on his strategy map!"

Cyrene was held silent with rage at her feet thinking of what to say.

"No response from the almighty whore or whores! My, my, three men to have children and how many boyfriends?" Apollo whipped at her arms folded. "No excuse me while I get the filth off my shoes." He flicked his wrist releasing a yellow and white orb into his palm.

Crete released the two arrows strait at his target who clutched his bride to be in front of him.

Xena slightly turned and whipped the chamerack at the on coming arrows, chopping them to harmless specks of wood and feather. The disk bounced back and forth through the trees, whistling through the air.

Apollo pulled the orb back above his shoulder, heat radiating off by his ear. "Here's a bit of manly pleasure for you…."

The chamerack bounced off a branch then the Sun God's wristlet, knocking the orb to the ground. As the light hit the dirt in orange sparks, a hole lay imprinted into the untouched earth. The chamerack ricochet another tree till it aimed its sharp edges at its owner and capturer. Ares released one arm for her to catch the weapon, twirl it around in her fingers before it held against her side as always. His other arm was loosely against her waist and still held her close.

"You life is pointless," Xena growled unsheathing her sword. "Hit me cupid! If not, well….. Then you'll be missing that luscious head of yours my prince."

Crete was hesitant, slowly slipping out an arrow and mounted it. "Just scoot over just a tad," he muttered pulling back the arrow.

Xena tightened her grip, inching back her foot, waiting for the cut. "I'll move over if you move forward," she growled shifting her eyes over to Iliad, seeing if he was out of the way. _Well at least you know that Iliad's not an annoying jerk only caring for the body and not the mind_ she thought directing her eyes back to Crete. After this prince was down Apollo would be impaled upon her blade, and maybe beat up Ares to burn some steam off just for kicks.

Crete released the arrow; Xena rolled under it and recoiling to her feet with the blade already slashing away. The arrow went through the God of War's chest, lodging into a tree.

_Why are mortals so stupid_ Ares thought bitterly with no mark of blood of arrow in his chest. Never aim an arrow at a god, it won't kill or wound them, only makes them ticked off. Fire spread out of his hand as he waited for an opportunity to hit Crete and not his right hand girl to be.

Crete blocked most of Xena's blows with his bow which was not a good thing considering with every blow a crack grew down the middle. Xena's battle cry ring out amongst the trees as she dropped kicked the prince's legs from under him. Twisting up her sword came down his chest. Crete deflected the blow only to have his bow cut in half. A scream escaped his lips as he kicked at his knee forcing him to stumble backwards.

Ares raised the orb of flame, about to throw it……

"My kill not yours," Xena spat at Ares turning towards him. Crete jumped to his feet, unsheathing a dagger, and raised it at her back. Xena twirled her sword to her side until she heard the crack of the leaves and his boot near her. Without warning she stabbed the blade into his gut with a satisfying crunch as she glared at the God of War.

Crete gasped for breath, the dagger falling from his fingertips with warm blood sliding down his stomach. His head spun ad the blade was lifted, cutting deeper into him. Crimson gushed from his lips. He wanted to say something, anything, but the blood in his throat wouldn't let him as it slipped out, he crumpled to the earth. Eyes slowly closing, heartbeat failing her bled on the dirt staring at the blood tinted blade as if fell to its mark, with a thud and then no more.

"I could have done that," Ares growled flicking his wrist to dissolve the fire back into his palm. He stared at his blood stained princess, with fingertips and part of her cheek stained with Crete's lifeblood. It was the perfect picture that couldn't be painted with her rage shadowing around her like an aura with no guilt or anguish that she had ended someone's life. When she was angry he'd seen her dark half come back to life forcing his heart to race faster.

"Xena sweetheart, honey-bun, pumpkin," Apollo sweetly spoke stepping away from the woman of filth with arms outstretched. He felt her anger radiating to him. He doubted id his kind words loosened her anger. From what he told Cyrene besides the fact that she was a whore was that Xena was a bastard princess. "Let's talk this over."

"Uh, let's see I don't like you calling my daughter a whore, and since when am I considered food?" she snapped twirling her sword. "My advice to you is….. be nice….." she flipped toward him, her battle cry shuttering him to the bone as he unsheathed his sword to meet the warrior princess's attack in the nick of time.

"First of all I don't allow mortals to talk to me as such," Apollo gritted throwing her sword off his. He jabbed and stabbed anywhere he could get his sword through, but she either twisted out of reach or blocked it with her sword. "Why aren't you dying?" he spat crescent spinning her sword to the floor as she stepped on his knee. In shock he cried out stumbling to his other foot sword swinging at completely nothing. Xena lunged her sword into his stomach, which really didn't do any good considering he was immortal. Simultaneously her elbow connected with his nose breaking it with a successful crack. "Ahhhh, you bitch," he damned clinging to his nose. The bone was disconnected and slanted. With one hand he grabbed the bone and cracked into position. "This doesn't matter you're still a……"

"Unmerciful wench who takes pride in kicking ass," Xena smiled at the retreating Apollo probably thinking something much worse.

Cyrene stood silent watching Apollo and Xena's swords clash against each other with insults flying through the air. Iliad still hid behind the tree peeping out every so often with his face growing paler as if to say he was not a fan of violence. _What did I ever see in Apollo again_ Cyrene wondered slipping behind Ares. _Yes he's handsome, rich, smells good then again he's a god. I wonder if Hermes would have been a better choice. _

"What are you doing Cyrene?" Ares retorted slightly turning towards her. Cyrene glanced at him then to her daughter then back again. His eyebrow rose in puzzlement as she repeated the motion. "Can I help you?"

_Uhhhggg, I hate his sarcastic remarks Cyrene thought . Sadly they would make a good couple, balancing each other's rage plus in the end a lot of grandchildren._

"Yes…?"

"I would love to offer you my daughter's hand in…."

"MOM!" Xena screamed making all four flinch. Apollo quickly vanished into white sparks not wanting to find out what happened next. Iliad almost fainted at the sight of Crete's dead body and it didn't help any matters that Xena scared the living crap out of him. Flowers fell from his fingertips to his feet. Cyrene clung to Ares' arm with him ripping off her hand in disgust and awkwardness. "Will you stop offering my hand in marriage! Since when did I become prize mule?"

"When did you become breathtaking," Ares mouthed with a smile. Xena twirled her sword advancing toward him. "Xena you can't scare me with violence," the God of War beamed with Xena coming closer.

"Xena, enough bloodshed has been spilt," Cyrene snapped stepping in front of Ares. _Wait a minute why am I doing that? It's Ares for Fate's sake _she thought slipping to the side. "I'm sorry, calm down your future wife."

"I'll calm someone down alright," Xena growled turning her gaze to her mother. "I don't care if I become an orphan at least I won't have you pestering me on marriage!"

"Xena dear, who's going to have us live on in the future?" Cyrene pleaded. "Who's going to have children and their children to have children?"

"Don't forget the long nights in bed," Ares spoke with a wink. He drew closer to Xena with arms open.

Xena leapt towards him her battle cry sounding; sword aiming for a downward attack. It would have worked with her sword aiming for his shoulder, but he caught her wrist, ripped out the sword and pulled her close to her in one graceful move. The warrior princess shrieked with rage as she thrashed and twisted in his arms. "Let me go!"

Iliad slowly came from the tree bending down to find flowers that weren't crumpled up so much. Flowers in hand he crept up to the damsel in distress with a spinning head ache of a drunk, and waited for the opportune time to speak. Xena halted her thrashing as she gazed at Iliad with curiosity. His hear raced at her blue eyes staring into his.

"What do you want flower boy?" Ares growled setting Xena on the ground, but alas he still kept his hold. The boy wet his lips, knuckles grew pale, stomach tightening; he glanced quickly to the floor wanting to throw up.

"Let her go," he whispered stepping back his eyes pinned to the dirt. His body shook slightly, breath becoming thick.

"You really don't sound confident. How stupid are you, your just around sixteen?" the God of War sneered trailing his fingers down Xena's shoulder.

_Ahhh, don't do that_ she thought shuttering at his touch. _That feels good, ahhhh!_ "Stop touching me!" Xena snapped whamming the back of her head against his nose.

Pain flared up and down his nose, but managed to still keep his grip. "Stop fussing!" Ares roared ramming her back into a tree as Cyrene barely made it out of the line of fire ducking into a safe spot somewhere in the woods. Xena gasped with shock then squeezed her eyes closed as the pain hit her almost forcing her to scream in pain. Sadly a harsh whimper came from her lips.

"Stay still!" he dictated not really concentrating that his hand clenched her fragile throat.

Slowly her air was being cut off with every moment that passed. Then again it also didn't help that her back was fared with discomfort against a tree. She tried to separate his grip from her neck by jamming her fingers in his hold. Yet it didn't help much at all. _Ahhhh, get off…… he does look cute when he's mad_ Xena thought with her head spinning slightly till she had an idea. Xena pushed off the tree with both feet, thrusting him to the floor. Ares' grip lessened on her throat as he fell hard to the ground with Xena sitting on top of him.

"I could get use to this," he smiled his frustration melting away as he slipped his hand in back of her neck. His other hand trailed up her leg.

_Off the neck_ Xena thought rolling up a fist. "Find your own plaything," she spat with her fist jabbing into his nose. Instantly his hand covered his nose as curses mumbled out of his mouth. Xena drew off him rubbing her neck of any pressure that was still there. Iliad stared in terror at the tall warrior princess, hand outstretched with flowers. She passed him, gently taking the flowers from his trembling hand.

"Thank you," she smiled walking pass him. "I suggest you go home and marry someone when you're older and you know." Xena departed into the trees farther from Amphipolis and where Ares was probably laying on the ground. In the empty spaces of the green leaves, she spotted her mothers purple dress and brown hair staying stationary in the leaves. "Mother, stop hiding," Xena spoke letting her voice trail in an echo. Her mother jumped, slowly peering out from the branch. "Don't you have customers?"

Cyrene trailed away from her place to where he daughter stood holding onto the flowers Iliad had given her. "Why are you always changing the subject?" she muttered her hands shaking and voice trailed off.

"Mother, find Iliad and bring him home," Xena spoke calmly as she observed past her mother's shoulder to see if Ares loomed near.

"What about mar…."

"Mother, no, stop it, I'll find a man who's right just leave it be," Xena retorted with a roll over her eyes. With that she left her mother, heading deeper into the woods.

"Where are you going?"

"Relaxing, leave me alone," Xena shouted back dusking ahead of a couple of trees with the floors slipping from her hand. Her mind wandered off to wherever it went, she didn't even know where it went most of the time. Birds chirped above her as the wind rushed through about two miles of forest trees. One question loomed in her mind that remained unanswered by most of her. Did she or didn't she, it was hard to decide, but after tracing her steps back she had slain the prince. Ares was still there glaring at her as he leaned against a tree, the body was still there untouched my nature.

"Ares, why are you mad? You pinned me to a tree!" she huffed coming closer to him. His response was still was a glare. _Fine, I'll ask him_. She drew next to him, prying him from the tree; he still glared at her. "Ask me what you were going to somewhat want to do."

His eye brow rose. _What?_

"Get down on one knee and ask me the question," Xena ordered finding this moment in time rather odd in reality than in stories. He followed orders in puzzlement until Xena grabbed his hand and forced out the question form his lips.

_I defiantly need to re-propose _he thought recoiling up and holding his princess in his arms finally getting what he wanted and a lot more.


End file.
